sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
