Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
