I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
