how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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