i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
