Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at templeÂ
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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