Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
