I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
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