mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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