Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Randomize
