I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Randomize
