Me. At least after what I've been through.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
