kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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