some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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