Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Randomize
