So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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