her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
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