Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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