so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
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