All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
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