Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
