so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
