I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
one two three fourrrrnication!
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
