they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
