I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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