I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
3pm strippers are depressing
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
