it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
