i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
