I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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