fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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