I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
