She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
