mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
