U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
