i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
