He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Who put my cat in the fridge?
Randomize
