last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
