I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
