I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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