What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize