I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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