Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
