I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
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