i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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