My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
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