i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
