i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Four minutes until I can fart!
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
