FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
