If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
