I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
