The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
