i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
