Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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