The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
