Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Randomize
