I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
