i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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