I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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