dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
