I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
