am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
