awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Randomize
