Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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