this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
