Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
