Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
