no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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