How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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