I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
