i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
