Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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