i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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