last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Pants are for mortals
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
