Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Randomize
