You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Randomize
