I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
the room spins SO much faster in panama
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
